Minner Problems

The past few days have been okay I guess I had some frustration on Friday. Because the bill for the internet was late this month so we payed it later then normal. So they thought that we didn't pay it, so they turned off are internet. Witch is annoying, because now I have to call them to have them turn it back on. So I have been with out internet for about half the day. Isn't amazing how dull the computer seems to be once the internet is taken away. It kinda makes you wounder what people did with them before it was invented. I guess they just used them for documenting, witch is what I use mine for for the most part. I do play games on it. but not as much as I used to. I guess I use it a lot to listen to music, sense I haven't even owned a radio in like 4 years or something like that.  I was going to look for jobs to but by the time we got the internet turned back on I had other stuff I was doing and I forgot about it.

  Today I went to go and see if I could donate some plasma, but I couldn't my heart rate was to high again. I don't know why I have problems with my heart rate every time I go in there. Its not like I have anything wrong. according to the doctor my cardio vascular system is very healthy. I think it is just because I always get nervuse when I go into there but I don't know why I do. Its not like Im afraid of needles or anything. But to help it I went a got a exercise bike from my grandfather. He hasn't been using it very much so I asked him if I could use it. And sense it is getting colder out side I need to find something to do inside that is easier on my knees. For we all know I have bad knees, but some people don't realize just how bad they really are. So let me tell you it hurts to walk up a lot of stairs, and walk long distances. Pretty much anything with a lot of bending of the knees is bad for me.

 I went and cleaned the church at 2 it only took an hour because a lot of people showed up. When I got home I started listing to some music. I found out only music can make you feel so depressed, yet so wonderful at the same time. I have been playing games the rest of the day to detract me of all the erges that I am having. Today has felt like it has been lasting for ever though I just want it to end.  But I guess we cant have everything we want no matter how hard we try to get it. I don't know why I keep referring back to relationships when it comes to story time but I have a quote I want to share with you.

“ A great Love is a lot like a good memory, when its there and you know its there, but its just out of your reach, it can be all you think about and you can focus on it and try to force it, but the more you do the more you seem to push it away, but if your patient and you hold still, well maybe just maybe, it will come to you,”

 I Like this quote because it contently reminds me that the things that are most dear to us, the things that mean the most to us are the things that we cannot force into being. For if we do well will end up just pushing it away. Or make it uncomfortable to have in are presence. 

Pass you shall not.... LOL

  Thursday- When I got up this morning I took Amber to work, my Elders Corum is taking turns giving her rides to work and picking her up. Just in tell we can find her a permanent ride.  That was all I have had planed this morning. So while I was whiting for 12:30 to roll around I decided to do some cleaning for I haven't done it in a couple of weeks. So I cleaned the kitchen, and emptied the dishwasher, sweeped the kitchen floor. I would have moped it but it wouldn't make much a difference for it will just get messy again when my uncle came to work on the pips again. And I also vacuumed the house, and started my laundry. and Surprisingly all of this only took me about an hour.

Well so I just listened to Pandora for a wile and played around on the internet for a while I was listening to the Canadian Tenors I really like them Let me share with you one of there songs that I really like.  Its called The Perfect Gift its so moving.

 As 12:30 rolled around I went and picked Krysta up and whited for Kimberlee. But she decided not to come. Witch is okay she had something more important to do.


While I am thinking about it I love this song to.

 Anywayz back to what I was talking about before. We went to go see Dolphins Tale witch sense I haven't seen any previews for it before I was wondering if I would like it or not.  But Krysta said it looked good, and I trust her for we went and saw that and it was really good.  We went and eat at Arby's afterwards I love Arby's it is really good.

  Now that I am home I have no idea what to do I guess I will try and figure out what type of exercise I will do for indoor cardio work. I won't have to figure it out for to long for I am going to go and get my grandpa's exercise bike on Saturday. So I just have to find something for two nights.

  I have been trying to find work, but it is really hard. I can't even find someplace that wants to give me an interview. Good news  I only owe the IRS half now I find it ridiculous that they are making me pay this now. Why didn't they have me pay it years ago when I actually made the mistake?

All I have been doing tonight is I have been watching some GSL games. I don't watch them very much but I like to watch them every now and then. I also finished my laundry and sorted it, now it is all away. Tomorrow I will have to find a project to do sense I finished most of what I have had to do today. 

For all the Ladies.

Remember when you are picking and outfit to wear.

"A Smile is the Prettiest thing that you can ever Wear"

"PASS YOU SHALL NOT!!!!"

Three in one

Monday was a interesting I didn't do much all day except try and get a hold of the IRS. But about 6:30 I went over to a friends house before going to the stake carnival that my stake was holding. And as much as I thought it would be fun, it wasn't as fun as I was hoping it would be. But it was ok still I mean I enjoy talking to people for the most part. Well people that I know should I say, for it may not seem like it but I really am a shy person. at about 9:15 or so we went over to the Higgins to watch Nightmare before Christmas witch is one of my favorite Halloween movies.

Tuesday and Wednesday I haven't done much I looked for work and thats about it. Oh but Wednesday night I went over to Josephs house to watch Captain America I love that show. I cant what for the Avengers to come out next year.  

The past few days

The past few days have been very stressful to me, let me lay it out for you. Well I would give you details if I could just remember them, but I have a bad memory. I have a hard time remembering what happened a few days ago. But I will give it a shot.

   As you all know on Wednesday I went to a friends house and had some smores and hang out by the fire. I love fires for those of you that don't know. Think, think, think what else happened. Thursday and Friday went hadn't have much happen Thursday though I went over to my doctors office to try and get some documents that I needed. But like I suspected before they were not ready.

  I might as well forget about them because I needed the documents, but the thing is I needed them like 2 months ago so I might just forget about them because they are no longer useful to me. I just want them to add to my collection that I have been making, with all the other stuff from my testing that I have had done over the past 4-6 months. Friday I have been stressing out because last week I  revived a letter from the IRS saying I owe them 600$. I cant afford that, mainly because I have been out of work sense August of 2010, and let me tell you when you been out of work for as long as I have you really have no money. So I did the only thing I could do I sent them a letter telling them that I cant pay it because I have no money. and the reason why I am stressing is I have to pay it by the 9th of November and I still haven't revived anything back from them. I am I am going to have to call them on Monday and figure out what I am going to do. I really hope that I can set up some sort of payment plane or something, or else I think that I am in big trouble.

 Saturday I have been looking for work I still cannot find anything witch is really starting to affect my self esteem. I look at it this way, witch is probably why I am starting to get depressed from it again. So I have to stop thinking like this and try harder to do something about it. The thing is the harder I try and nothing happens the more I get depressed about it. Let me tell you why its making me depressed. Well I try and tell you. Let me tell you what you are about to read is my own personal thinking, That changes rapidly this is just what I think know.

 I am a very personal person what I mean by that is I have a hard time sharing my feelings. In my entire life there has only been two people that I have been able to be totally honest with. And I out of them, Non want to ever speak to me ever again. So you can see why I am hesitating to wanna tell people how I am feeling. I am afraid of pushing them away. And the reason for that is I am a loving compassionate person that seems to want to help people more then help myself. And that is all I want to I want somebody that will love me with all there heart. And the reason why I don't share my feeling is, when ever I find somebody that I trust enough to tell them. I am afraid to tell them.  Because it is somebody that I care for them enough and love them enough that I don't want to push them away, I want to have them stay with me. witch is kinda selfish of me I know but its the only thing I want.  I don't care about money, or the fancy things of this world. All I want is, somebody that I can love, hold on to, and take care of. Somebody that I can hug when ever I want to, and snuggle with when I get cold. And in return I take care of you and do anything for or with you that you want or need. Now I know what your thinking, Why are you telling me all this. Well the answer to that is simple.

  The way I look at it is with all of these thing that I want and am looking for, I cannot just look up and pluck it from the sky. Just as I wish upon a star, As much as I wish I could just wish it all here that would be to easy.  And I know that there is now way it will ever happen. So I have to do it the old fashioned way. Witch Its not working out very well for me. As much as a good friend as I can be I fear that that is All I will every be to people. I just do it to well. And anyways back to the hole not being able to find work. It goes with this because I mean. Who wants to go out with somebody that has no way of supporting them. Isn't that right women are looking for some security in the person that they go out with, witch is okay. I like security to but the problem I am having is. I have no security I cant offer people anything but my love. Witch in this world now a day's it is very hard to find somebody with just that. Because even though people say they don't care about money or about the fancy things in this world. I feel like they are just fouling them selves. Because once you tell them that you have nothing to offer them except compassion, trust, honesty, and loyalty. They turn around and never come back, Now don't tell me this isn't true I have seen int dozens of times witch have all happened to me. I think I have a hard time trusting women, and my thinking toads them is not so good, because the only thing that I have gotten from trusting women is heart each.

But In some way I am glad that they have done this, because if you cant except somebody for just the way they are without all the worldly stuff tagging along behind. Well I am sorry but I say you are not worth my time. for I don't want to date somebody that doesn't care about me. And only cares about what I can give her. So please if you are a person that only cares about what somebody can give you. And don't give a dam about the person him self please just keep on walking.  And I am sorry If what I have said has made You feel bad, Its just how I feel.  Maybe its just because I have had to many experiences that  have ended bad. So in result of it I am very careful with how I date. If you think that anything that I have said is wrong please correct me. For I know I am not a perfect person, and I am very far from it.

   Anyway after I have finished thinking about that all I did Saturday was watch some movies and play some games. I was trying to relax I pray next week will be better.


  Sunday or today I went to church I was looking forward to it for it makes me happy and at the end of this week I needed to relax and be able to take my mind of of the problems that I am having, and a strange thing. You know I just realized something today, first I will say I believe in premonitions and know for saying that. Friday night I had a dream about me at church and I realized thinking about it. That today my dream came true almost everything today at church happened the same way that it did in my dream. Okay I think that it was kinda creepy, I have never had that happen to me before. Well I have had premonitions before. But not one that has happened so close to what really happened. I mean there was really only one or two thing different.

  I know that not a lot of you out there like Big & Rich  Here is the song, they write on of my favorite songs. Because I just can Relate to it so much. I am going to put it up but you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to.

Memorys from my child hood

This morning I was thinking of going and getting Scott Pilgrim. I like this show mainly because it is really nerdy. I will say know If you never played video or card games when you were younger, you might have a difficult time following the movie. But that is not the main reason why I went there I found Gumbie the other day. Now for those of you that don't know Gumbie was a show that was on TV about 15 years ago. The hole thing was clay animation using stop motion to simulate it. But while I was standing in line to leave I looked over and you will not believe what I saw, I just had to get it. I Have been looking for it for a long time, but it is now in my position I found the Brave Little Toaster. I have missed that show I haven't seen it sense I was living in West Jordan about 18 years ago or maybe 16 years, some time around there.

 I was going to go to a Haunted House. But I don't think I will any more because I don't have the money to there just so expensive. So instead my friend Steven had a fire thing going on. We had smorres and talked it was nice. After wards I came home and finished watching my movie before I went to bed. I was watching Scott Pilgrim witch is the most nerdyist show I have ever seen. every thing in that movie had to deal with something from a game, or comic, or movie, it is funny by my terms.  

Funder Asunder

This morning I went to walmart looking for a movie. but they didn't have it. So I went to FYE looking for it and they had it, I new they would they always have what I am looking for. On a side note yesterday was my birthday. Oh woop de du (sarcasm)  I really don't care much about my birthday to me its just another day. And honestly I forgot about it till I was reminded of it latter.  When I got home I watched Once Upon a Time a new show on ABC it is a good show it just started this week. And know I cant what till next weeks episode.

  At 2:00 I went four wheeling with my father. We went into the Uintas above bountiful it was beautiful you could see everything up there. I got back just before 7 so I had to rush and leave to go to FHE. We made cookies it was kinda fun I just wasn't in the mood  After that was over we watched a movie at a friends house, we watched Coraline. It is a good movie I think. But know I am home I am ready to go to sleep. You can tell that I am tired because I don't really care about detail right now. 

Sleeping problems

Today I was going to go to my cousins selling but I decided to go donate for I need the money. but then I realized that I can because my arm still has a bruise on it. So I am not going to be doing that ether I guess. Ill have to do that Monday. I finally took a shower this morning around 11:30 and it felt good.

 I haven't done much today besides watch some movies and play some games. I went to stake conference today though, I thought it was good. But I think I have been siting to long today for my back is starting to hurt. and for some reason my left ankle is to, have no idea why for I haven't done much on it today. But I am going for a run and maybe I might just go to bed. I don't know why but for some reason I have been so tired lately I have been getting the same amount of sleep I always do. It might be because I have been moving around so much at night. Or its because I cant get conferrable I wake up every couple of hours every night, because what ever I am sleeping on is hurting. If I sleep on my back my back hurts, and If I sleep on my side my shoulder hurts. And If I sleep on my stumic I cant spell it, well if I do my ribs hurt, my arms start hurting dew to lack of blood circulation, And I start dulling. It is not a parity pitcher.  

Moving forward

Today was kinda a frustrating yet interesting, yet productive day. when I got up at 8:30 "O why do I wake up so early and cant go back to sleep, I would love to sleep in." So lying in bed thinking about the day I decided to get up dew to boredom and take a shower. And get ready for the day. I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom today. It took me a while for I have been whiting to clean it for a while now. but I am glade that I have It looks and smells cleaner now.

  I finished feeling out the application for GA from the state and I have to call them tomorrow to verify they got my application.  If this goes though I will be so happy for it mean I am just that much closer to what I want to happen in future times.  I also hope that I will be able to start school in the spring it will be great for me to be able to start.

  Tonight my self Krysta, Lauren, and Cris all went to a corn maze and it was fun. after wards we all went back to Lauren's and had hot chocolate and played some games, witch was also fun. I love my friends they make life bearable. And I love my best friend she makes life worth living. Thanks to all of you. Hope you are all doing well.

 

Final Decistion

All day yesterday I was home, boring :( so I decided to clean the kitchen, living room finally got vacuumed. It hasn't been for a while because the vacuum was broken. I finally fixed it :) I was going to clean the bathroom to but I never got around to that, but I did clean my room. and still had time to lift some wights. I also mailed the letter to the IRS. So I hope I get some good news from them in a little while. But knowing the IRS anything from them is bad.  I went to bed early last night because the other night I didn't sleep very good. I have been so stressed lately.

  To day I went and donated when I got up. And afterward I went and got the rest of my Halloween costume.  I went and talked with my counselor today about schooling. And I have made a final derision on what I am going to take. I am going to be doing Associate of Applied Science degree in Visual Art and Design/ Animation emphasis. I think that it is going to be good for me to get back into school. But I have to go back and talk with my counselor again on the 8th and see what type of help she can give me to do it.

  I applied for General assistance from the government today to see if I can get some money back in my pocket. my counselor says I would apply for the program so we will see what they say. I have been really into the James Bond movies lately and I am now wishing that I had the older ones to not just the ones with  Pierce Brosnan and or the ones with Daniel Craig. No I mean the ones with Roger Moore. I think that it would be good, sense I have never seen the older ones anyway. I want to start making another shirt but I don't know what color I want it, or what pitcher or saying to put on it. If anybody reading this has any good ideas let me know. You will never believe what song I have had in my head today. let me share it with you. Its My Immortal by Evanesence.<3 <3

Listing to this song makes me wish I could play the piano, I know what your thinking well why don't you. Well I have tried I just don't have the finger dexterity for it.

Poject time again.

 When I got up this morning the first thing I did was write a letter to the IRS because I cannot pay what they say I owe them. I am really hoping that they will understand. If they don't and say that I have to pay it anyway I don't know what I will do.
    Anyway I went to the store today and got myself a shirt so I can finish my project. And I did finish my project and It looks great let me give you a hint of what it looks like because I haven't had time to take a pitcher of the finished project so you will just see the pitcher that is on the project.

This is a pitcher of what is on the shirt but I didn't add the words at the bottom on there till after I put the shirt together. So they are not on there. but that saying goes perfectly with the everything else.

   I went to FHE tonight we were carving pumpkin's I haven't carved on in years, and frankly I wasn't really sure if I was going to do one or not. But that question was answers for me once I got there. Me, Krysta, and Kimberlee made one. And I thought it turned out great even though we didn't win the competition I thought it was good. after wards we all went and watched Corps Bride I think that it is a really good show. And we decided to watch a Halloween movie sense it is getting closer.