Dec 27, 2011
Christmas
This year for Christmas we didn't do as much as we normally do due to that nobody really has any money to do anything. But even so it was very good. On Christmas Ev I went over to my grandpa's house and had a family dinner, It went good this year based on the fact that almost everybody was there. Tensions with in the family seem to be subsiding, witch is good. For last year it was somewhat uncomfortable to be there. Never the less it was good. We played games afterward, and got some great pics I will upload some once I got them. But until then you will just have to what. I was hoping that my sister would have come down for this year. But she is still to afraid of what we will think of her sense she has fallen away from the church. In my mind it doesn't matter what she has done for thus I still love her. Christmas day I opened my presents around 1pm I know what your thinking that's late. Well if I had it my way I wouldn't have opened them till about 8pm or so. Because presents to really hold much for me as they use to. And also I wasn't expecting anything ether. Went over to my grandmothers around 5 after talking to my brother at 4 for about a half and hour. He is on his mission right now in Argentina and gets bat in October. But you cant have fun without work. I had to clean my computer out and my mothers to. For I haven't done it in a while and let me tell you when your graphics card is gray when its normally dark green, its time to clean it. And its running like a beast now. :)
Dec 7, 2011
My long week
Monday
It started off with my grandfather coming over to pretty much tare all the shelving out of are bathroom. I haven't done much all day. I have been watching nova a lot of the time. I was trying to get hold of a friend all day to. But when I finally got a hold of them it mad me kinda depressed. I mean I have known her for about 6 years, I hate it when someone pretends to be your friend but they really are not. But what really hurts is when you love someone, but they don't love you back. I mean it is really hard for me to find someone when nobody seems to wanna even give me the opportunity to show them how much I care for them. But it even worse when I find that person that will allow me to show them, they never seem to care. After dating as many people I have you begin to wounder if there is something wrong with you sense nobody seems to want to be around you.
Anyways that night I went to FHE we were making Gingerbread Houses. I didn't do any, for about the first half hour I was there I was just siting in the chapel thinking/praying. It really felt good to talk to somebody I know will listen to me and actually care about what I am going though. But I went in to watch others make them. I know it is not good to be alone mainly right know. Because I am gating back to the point to were I am starting to get thoughts of suicide again. I wish people understand. The problem is there is nobody that knows what I am going through. I went over to a friends house afterwards to watch a movie.
Tuesday
I went and donated today. It went well no complications at all. I have been watching the Avatar shows the animated version. I have been doing that most of the day. but I had my appointment with my bishop today to. I am finally going to be mad an elder I am so happy for that sense I should have been mad one 4 and a half years ago about. But it is talking me longer to get control of some of my problems. And even though I still have a major problem with some of them. I am making great progress with it. I am so happy about it. Yeah It has only taken me 10 years to get control of it. For those of you that had not quit an addiction to something before. It is so hard to quit it. and even harder when your doing it cold turkey. Let me tell you the longer you go the more and more you think about it. There are times where that is all that is on my mind.
Wednesday
Before I start off telling you about my day I wanted to share with you a music video. Its called The Christmas Rush, and I love this song for two reasons. One its from Mike Tompkins he is a great singer/artist. For those of you that don't know who he is I seriously recommend that you go check him out. And reason Two for me liking this song is that it reminds us the Christmas is not about giving gifts.
Thursday
Lets see today I finally was able to take out the trash I have kept forgetting to do it for a while know sense I was supposed to do it on Monday. Well I guess it doesn't really matter when I do it just as long as I do it, right. I also finally found are punching bag I have been looking for it for months. I originally thought that my sister took it with her to Washington, but I found it today in. I am so happy about it. Now I can get bloody knuckles all over again. I went over to Joseph's house to help him set up his tree. After we did that I went to Institute with him, I found it kinda fun sense I have never been before. But on the way out of his driveway he ran into my car lol. Its ok though because it really didn't do that much damage all I have to do is bend the door back out with a hammer. And put the tire back on, sense I was parked up against the curb when he hit me it pushed the tire off the rime so I get to put it back on now. When we got back we ended up watching a movie. And one of jo's friends came over to watch it with us. What a day I say, but it was still fun.
Friday
I didn't really do anything important enough today to report it.
Saturday
I fixed the tire to the car, just as I thought I just had to pump it up. It didn't have a leak in it. That is good, and as far as I can tell nothing is wrong with it. Time will tell on if there is or isn't though. I went to go see Rise of Planet of the Apes, its a good show. But I still think the older Planet of the Apes are better.
It started off with my grandfather coming over to pretty much tare all the shelving out of are bathroom. I haven't done much all day. I have been watching nova a lot of the time. I was trying to get hold of a friend all day to. But when I finally got a hold of them it mad me kinda depressed. I mean I have known her for about 6 years, I hate it when someone pretends to be your friend but they really are not. But what really hurts is when you love someone, but they don't love you back. I mean it is really hard for me to find someone when nobody seems to wanna even give me the opportunity to show them how much I care for them. But it even worse when I find that person that will allow me to show them, they never seem to care. After dating as many people I have you begin to wounder if there is something wrong with you sense nobody seems to want to be around you.
Anyways that night I went to FHE we were making Gingerbread Houses. I didn't do any, for about the first half hour I was there I was just siting in the chapel thinking/praying. It really felt good to talk to somebody I know will listen to me and actually care about what I am going though. But I went in to watch others make them. I know it is not good to be alone mainly right know. Because I am gating back to the point to were I am starting to get thoughts of suicide again. I wish people understand. The problem is there is nobody that knows what I am going through. I went over to a friends house afterwards to watch a movie.
Tuesday
I went and donated today. It went well no complications at all. I have been watching the Avatar shows the animated version. I have been doing that most of the day. but I had my appointment with my bishop today to. I am finally going to be mad an elder I am so happy for that sense I should have been mad one 4 and a half years ago about. But it is talking me longer to get control of some of my problems. And even though I still have a major problem with some of them. I am making great progress with it. I am so happy about it. Yeah It has only taken me 10 years to get control of it. For those of you that had not quit an addiction to something before. It is so hard to quit it. and even harder when your doing it cold turkey. Let me tell you the longer you go the more and more you think about it. There are times where that is all that is on my mind.
Wednesday
Before I start off telling you about my day I wanted to share with you a music video. Its called The Christmas Rush, and I love this song for two reasons. One its from Mike Tompkins he is a great singer/artist. For those of you that don't know who he is I seriously recommend that you go check him out. And reason Two for me liking this song is that it reminds us the Christmas is not about giving gifts.
Thursday
Lets see today I finally was able to take out the trash I have kept forgetting to do it for a while know sense I was supposed to do it on Monday. Well I guess it doesn't really matter when I do it just as long as I do it, right. I also finally found are punching bag I have been looking for it for months. I originally thought that my sister took it with her to Washington, but I found it today in. I am so happy about it. Now I can get bloody knuckles all over again. I went over to Joseph's house to help him set up his tree. After we did that I went to Institute with him, I found it kinda fun sense I have never been before. But on the way out of his driveway he ran into my car lol. Its ok though because it really didn't do that much damage all I have to do is bend the door back out with a hammer. And put the tire back on, sense I was parked up against the curb when he hit me it pushed the tire off the rime so I get to put it back on now. When we got back we ended up watching a movie. And one of jo's friends came over to watch it with us. What a day I say, but it was still fun.
Friday
I didn't really do anything important enough today to report it.
Saturday
I fixed the tire to the car, just as I thought I just had to pump it up. It didn't have a leak in it. That is good, and as far as I can tell nothing is wrong with it. Time will tell on if there is or isn't though. I went to go see Rise of Planet of the Apes, its a good show. But I still think the older Planet of the Apes are better.
Nov 30, 2011
A Jumbled Week
Ok this week has been interesting Monday at FHE we had a get to know you session pretty much. I didn't really think that it was that fun, for I really don't like being around a lot of people if I don't have to be. After wards we went to a fire activity, don't worry we didn't start anything on fire, "except that tree we burnt." I would have rather have done a movie night like we normally do, If we do the fire thing again I might not go I really didn't have that much fun there. I am really not that outgoing, I prefer to just do something with not that many people. Like watching a movie. Or playing some games. But depending on the game I am strange in that way.
I went to go donate plasma on Tuesday morning but I wasn't able to because my Iron was to low. I was shocked because that has never happened before. I didn't do much the rest of the day. I played some more of Assassins creed, I think I am a little more then half way right now. I really cant say how much I have left for I have never played it before. Honestly I think I may be about 3/4 of the way done, maybe.
This morning "As Wednesday" I finally finished Assassins Creed Revelations. And the thing is as much as I am glad to be done with it, I don't want to be done with it. For they ended the story in a spot that really leaves you hanging, and want to continue playing. I watched the short film that came with the game and now I wish I hadn't because it makes it worse and I want to play even more. I really want STOR, just so you know that stands for Starwars The Old Republic. So sum up what its somewhat its about, It takes place thousands of years before the new republic, so you know the new republic is with Yoda, and Anakin, and Qui-Gon, you know those people. The old Republic takes place back when the sith empire was still flourishing, and Koraban is the home of the sith. to help me explain this here is a video that explains the entire thing. it is a long video, but it describes the hole story from the beginning. To watch click here.
I did my laundry on Thursday witch it didn't take my very long to do that. It has been smelly at my house today, and noise due to that we are replacing some of the old piping in are bathroom. So as you would figure out once you open up those pips its going to smell like shit. I mean we all wish it was flowers and chocolate. But I guess we cant have everything we want or else are time apon this earth would be pointless. Sense we are all here to lurn, so what good is that if its all done for us.
I went to a dance on Friday, It was fun I got kinda bored though about 9 O'clock so I was thinking about leaving , but then with fate decides to intervene with my life I say sure, do it it's for my own good I know it. I found a friend that I haven't seen in years witch was good. So we ended up talking till they kicked us out of the building. I think that's kinda funny really. I hope to have a date with her next week. We will see how that goes. I pray it goes good. And that she will give me a second opportunity for I don't have to many of those for we all know.
I went to a Christmas party that Kimberlee was throwing, it was pretty fun. Well I had a good time, we played some games and watched a movie. We watched Stardust I love this movie. I think its moving, there was food there. I think that it was also interesting sense with how long I have known her, I have never been to her house before.
I went to go donate plasma on Tuesday morning but I wasn't able to because my Iron was to low. I was shocked because that has never happened before. I didn't do much the rest of the day. I played some more of Assassins creed, I think I am a little more then half way right now. I really cant say how much I have left for I have never played it before. Honestly I think I may be about 3/4 of the way done, maybe.
This morning "As Wednesday" I finally finished Assassins Creed Revelations. And the thing is as much as I am glad to be done with it, I don't want to be done with it. For they ended the story in a spot that really leaves you hanging, and want to continue playing. I watched the short film that came with the game and now I wish I hadn't because it makes it worse and I want to play even more. I really want STOR, just so you know that stands for Starwars The Old Republic. So sum up what its somewhat its about, It takes place thousands of years before the new republic, so you know the new republic is with Yoda, and Anakin, and Qui-Gon, you know those people. The old Republic takes place back when the sith empire was still flourishing, and Koraban is the home of the sith. to help me explain this here is a video that explains the entire thing. it is a long video, but it describes the hole story from the beginning. To watch click here.
I did my laundry on Thursday witch it didn't take my very long to do that. It has been smelly at my house today, and noise due to that we are replacing some of the old piping in are bathroom. So as you would figure out once you open up those pips its going to smell like shit. I mean we all wish it was flowers and chocolate. But I guess we cant have everything we want or else are time apon this earth would be pointless. Sense we are all here to lurn, so what good is that if its all done for us.
I went to a dance on Friday, It was fun I got kinda bored though about 9 O'clock so I was thinking about leaving , but then with fate decides to intervene with my life I say sure, do it it's for my own good I know it. I found a friend that I haven't seen in years witch was good. So we ended up talking till they kicked us out of the building. I think that's kinda funny really. I hope to have a date with her next week. We will see how that goes. I pray it goes good. And that she will give me a second opportunity for I don't have to many of those for we all know.
I went to a Christmas party that Kimberlee was throwing, it was pretty fun. Well I had a good time, we played some games and watched a movie. We watched Stardust I love this movie. I think its moving, there was food there. I think that it was also interesting sense with how long I have known her, I have never been to her house before.
Nov 22, 2011
Week of fun and Torment
Monday
Started off by me doing nothing. I called my father, sense it was his birthday. He is now 52 years old. I cant believe that he is that old. But I learned some good news while I was talking to him. he should have his patent in the next couple of week witch means he will be able to start max production. He should be able to get about 10,000 by the end of the year. witch would be good for him.
And it is official now to I am now a have reached the boyfriend stage in my relationship. I am so exited about it. I'm not just exited about having a girlfriend, but also to have a really good friend. That I know cares about me. I am also glad for I know that it will help my depression to. Just being able to talk to somebody helps with that. I know sense I am usually the one that everybody comes and talks to. I went to FHE also we were doing trivia games, I suck at trivia games. Special sense it is church trivia, somethings strange about that is I undoubtedly believe in everything that are church stands for. Witch is kinda funny because if you asked me any serious questions about it I most likely would not be able to answer it. I know I know what I am talking about, I just seem to have a selected memory or something. Because I only seem to remember what seems interesting to me. And that is just it the history of the church just isn't that interesting to me.
Tuesday
When I first got up this morning I went and donated plasma, Note: it is getting easier to control my heart rate I am able to lower it quicker now. I think that its because I am exercising much more now, but I also think that I pray for help with it more and more. Witch I think that It helps a lot. I started watching Starwars again. And during it I layed down for a nap but I forgot what time it was. I forgot I had to go pick Amber up Ops my bad so I was a little late. But its all good. when I got home I eat dinner witch we had tacos I love tacos.
Wednesday
Today I went to the planetarium, it was fun I haven't been there. But before we went down there we went to the post office. and after that we went to Walgreen's, Rid-Aid, and a pet store witch I cant remember the name of at this moment. When we got to the planetarium we got the tickets for the show The Ultimate Universe, witch was good. And it was kinda funny because the movie was old, because all the questions that were in it. have been answered by Nova a few months ago. But after we got the tickets we went to Barns and Nobel to look around. I always find it interesting to see the stuff that they have in there.
Note to self too I am now not at the boyfriend stage anymore. Witch in result of it I am now depressed again. But its really my own fault, I allowed myself to get attached to somebody. Its not my fault that I cat attached to them really easy. So it turns out that I really like somebody when they only sorta like me. I think that my problem is that I am to much of an affectionate person. I leave my self open to be hurt. And felled with disappointment, more then they do. And it doesn't help that every time that I go out with somebody It just makes it worse. Maybe its just my desire to feel wanted, or loved. Or that I know that somebody wants me around. I think that is what I really want. more then anything. I think that one of the main reasons why I feel depressed a lot of the time. Because I feel lonely and ignored. I really hope that it doesn't last for long. for last time I was really depressed it didn't turn out very well.
I went over to my grandma's and helped her for a little bit, doing things around the house for her. After that I went over to my dads. We watched a show called the Sentinel it was really good, and I spent the night there.
Thursday
The reason why I spent the night at my dads was because we got up early and went rabbit hunting. It was fun we saw 5 but only got three. Sneaky blighters got away, we rowed the ATV's for a while and then it was time to go. So we drove home and my dad dropped me off at my grandpa's house to eat dinner. Not everybody was there this year, normally there is about 40 of us. but this year there was only maybe 20 some people decided not to come. now that I am home I am ready for bed. Note I really was hesitating on if I was even going to go. Because I am still kinda depressed and I really just wanted to be a lone. I didn't want to answer any of there questions. and now I do kinda wish I didn't go. Like I was right they all asked questions, and I really don't want to talk to anybody. So I did what most people do in that situation they lie to make people stop talking to them. I know I shouldn't have done that. But I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody. So I am sorry everybody.
I found a quote today that I really liked, and it apply's to what I have been talking about this week. "To Love someone is Nothing, To be Loved by someone is Something, But to be Loved by the one that you Love is Everything.
I love this quote It reminds me of what I am working for.
Friday
Today this morning I went up to Bountiful to get some new ties. And let me tell you the drive is totally worth it. I went to the store for some rolls for dinner. And I also got my self some chocolate too. I have been looking at pitchers a lot on Pinterest a lot I think that I have become addicted to it. I been exercising a little bit today to. Latter Joseph came over and we were going to finish watching Starwars The Return of the Jedi. But it ended up him watching me play Assassins Creed for a few hours, sense he hasn't really seen anybody play the brotherhood one.
Saturday
Today when I got up I watched some game play for the new Starwars MMO it is looking pretty good right now. They are still in the beta stag I believe right now for it. I went and got Revelations today for Assassins creed, I have been playing that most of the day, its been relaxing.
Started off by me doing nothing. I called my father, sense it was his birthday. He is now 52 years old. I cant believe that he is that old. But I learned some good news while I was talking to him. he should have his patent in the next couple of week witch means he will be able to start max production. He should be able to get about 10,000 by the end of the year. witch would be good for him.
And it is official now to I am now a have reached the boyfriend stage in my relationship. I am so exited about it. I'm not just exited about having a girlfriend, but also to have a really good friend. That I know cares about me. I am also glad for I know that it will help my depression to. Just being able to talk to somebody helps with that. I know sense I am usually the one that everybody comes and talks to. I went to FHE also we were doing trivia games, I suck at trivia games. Special sense it is church trivia, somethings strange about that is I undoubtedly believe in everything that are church stands for. Witch is kinda funny because if you asked me any serious questions about it I most likely would not be able to answer it. I know I know what I am talking about, I just seem to have a selected memory or something. Because I only seem to remember what seems interesting to me. And that is just it the history of the church just isn't that interesting to me.
Tuesday
When I first got up this morning I went and donated plasma, Note: it is getting easier to control my heart rate I am able to lower it quicker now. I think that its because I am exercising much more now, but I also think that I pray for help with it more and more. Witch I think that It helps a lot. I started watching Starwars again. And during it I layed down for a nap but I forgot what time it was. I forgot I had to go pick Amber up Ops my bad so I was a little late. But its all good. when I got home I eat dinner witch we had tacos I love tacos.
Wednesday
Today I went to the planetarium, it was fun I haven't been there. But before we went down there we went to the post office. and after that we went to Walgreen's, Rid-Aid, and a pet store witch I cant remember the name of at this moment. When we got to the planetarium we got the tickets for the show The Ultimate Universe, witch was good. And it was kinda funny because the movie was old, because all the questions that were in it. have been answered by Nova a few months ago. But after we got the tickets we went to Barns and Nobel to look around. I always find it interesting to see the stuff that they have in there.
Note to self too I am now not at the boyfriend stage anymore. Witch in result of it I am now depressed again. But its really my own fault, I allowed myself to get attached to somebody. Its not my fault that I cat attached to them really easy. So it turns out that I really like somebody when they only sorta like me. I think that my problem is that I am to much of an affectionate person. I leave my self open to be hurt. And felled with disappointment, more then they do. And it doesn't help that every time that I go out with somebody It just makes it worse. Maybe its just my desire to feel wanted, or loved. Or that I know that somebody wants me around. I think that is what I really want. more then anything. I think that one of the main reasons why I feel depressed a lot of the time. Because I feel lonely and ignored. I really hope that it doesn't last for long. for last time I was really depressed it didn't turn out very well.
I went over to my grandma's and helped her for a little bit, doing things around the house for her. After that I went over to my dads. We watched a show called the Sentinel it was really good, and I spent the night there.
Thursday
The reason why I spent the night at my dads was because we got up early and went rabbit hunting. It was fun we saw 5 but only got three. Sneaky blighters got away, we rowed the ATV's for a while and then it was time to go. So we drove home and my dad dropped me off at my grandpa's house to eat dinner. Not everybody was there this year, normally there is about 40 of us. but this year there was only maybe 20 some people decided not to come. now that I am home I am ready for bed. Note I really was hesitating on if I was even going to go. Because I am still kinda depressed and I really just wanted to be a lone. I didn't want to answer any of there questions. and now I do kinda wish I didn't go. Like I was right they all asked questions, and I really don't want to talk to anybody. So I did what most people do in that situation they lie to make people stop talking to them. I know I shouldn't have done that. But I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anybody. So I am sorry everybody.
I found a quote today that I really liked, and it apply's to what I have been talking about this week. "To Love someone is Nothing, To be Loved by someone is Something, But to be Loved by the one that you Love is Everything.
I love this quote It reminds me of what I am working for.
Friday
Today this morning I went up to Bountiful to get some new ties. And let me tell you the drive is totally worth it. I went to the store for some rolls for dinner. And I also got my self some chocolate too. I have been looking at pitchers a lot on Pinterest a lot I think that I have become addicted to it. I been exercising a little bit today to. Latter Joseph came over and we were going to finish watching Starwars The Return of the Jedi. But it ended up him watching me play Assassins Creed for a few hours, sense he hasn't really seen anybody play the brotherhood one.
Saturday
Today when I got up I watched some game play for the new Starwars MMO it is looking pretty good right now. They are still in the beta stag I believe right now for it. I went and got Revelations today for Assassins creed, I have been playing that most of the day, its been relaxing.
Nov 17, 2011
Reason woth Understanding.
Thursday
So I just learned some random information today. Ready for this. Just 3% of Activition is worth approximately 327 million dollars. I have been kinda stressed out today, because One I hope I am able to make the first payment to the IRS I have to pay it by the 28th of this month. But after that payment I should be okay for the rest of them. My dad called me earlier today wondering if I wanted to go rabbit hunting with him tomorrow. But I really don't want to dew to that I am feeling kinda depressed and I know If I went I wouldn't be able to focuses anyway for I would be thinking about to many things. Next week I am going over to the SSN building here in the valley to see if I can get a copy of the file for disability I hope that they give it to me. I am going to apile the results that they gave me and still see If I can get on the disability.
I have been playing Assassins Creed again I am wanting to play the story again before I play the next one, but It has come out yesterday so so much for the Midnight release. Its ok though. I will just have to get one latter when I don't have so much going on and I am able to save some money for it. I have received some news today that my application for Medicaid has just started. its processes into the system. I have been so tired the past couple of day. Scratch that I have been so tired the past couple of years. And I don't know why that is. it might bee my bed but I don't really know because I used to sleep good on it. but know I can't I thought it was to soft. But now I think it is just to hard. It is so hard to find something that allows me to sleep so nice, with out waking up every couple of hours to roll over. I think that I has something to do with my shoulders to because when I do wake up its always my shoulders that are hurting, normally anyway. Every so often though my back will be hurting. And I think it really has something to do with the accident that I was in a few years ago. In witch I dislocated both my shoulders, and some of my ribs. And they never set healed properly so now I have circulation cut off to my arms every now and then. And it pinches all the nerves as well.
Friday
I think that I am starting to get getter control of my heart rate because when I went to do plasma today it was down to 78. I think that it is good, biking almost everyday is probably helping a little bit though. After I was done with the donation I went to Walmart. I needed to get a shirt for my project. I am making another pitcher for this shirt, and it is going to be great. But something happened when I went to print the pitcher out though I accidentally had the pitcher stretched just a little to much. I new I was forgeting something, I forgot to do a test run. Its to late now, and I am all out of Transfer paper now. :( and I wont be able to go get any till late next week most likely.
On my way home from Walmart I went up to Valley Fair mall to try and find the SSN building but I couldn't find it so I guess Ill have to go next week. It was kinda strange today because I was gone from 9 this morning till 3pm I haven't been gone that long sense I had work. I really need to update my Journal. No not this one my audio log. its my more personal journal and I haven't used it in about a month I should update it before I forget about it again. I have lost some more weight witch is good spending all that time on the bike is starting to help. And I have been trying to cut back on how much I eat even though I only eat about 2 times a day. I am trying to cut back on the amount that I eat during those times to see if it will help me loose more.
Saturday
Ok I am starting to get irritated and its only morning right now. Because I have been trying to find this one website that has all the episodes to all my favorite anime shows, and I cant find it. I don't remember the name to it, and the person that gave me the site in the first place. Well I cant remember there name either.
I haven't done much today besides clean the kitchen, take the garbage out, witch most people wouldn't be that big of a deal but sense I have to take it about a quoter a mile up the road every week, it kinda is a deal with me. I also did some laundry today. But besides that I haven't done much I just been playing some Assassins Creed, no not the new one I haven't got that yet. This is how lazy I have been today. I didn't even take a shower till 4pm. Tomorrow should be different though with church going on. Next week I hope I will be able to get the documents I need from SSN. If not it will be fun trying to get them from the offices that I had the testing done in. I weighed my self this morning and I am getting better. I lost 24 pounds this month . I went over to Steven's house at about 9 to watch movie. I stayed latter then I was planing on, for Krysta asked me if I wanted to stay and watch Stargate SG1 with here. And I looked at an opportunity to spend time with her. So we watched. 2 episodes. I don't regret staying. But I think that her father may be a little upset with me. For it was 2:30 when I finally left.
P.S. Not to all those that actually read my blogs/Journal I have decided that it is easier to do one posting for the whole week, then trying to remember to write one very day. So for now one I will only be doing one once a week.
So I just learned some random information today. Ready for this. Just 3% of Activition is worth approximately 327 million dollars. I have been kinda stressed out today, because One I hope I am able to make the first payment to the IRS I have to pay it by the 28th of this month. But after that payment I should be okay for the rest of them. My dad called me earlier today wondering if I wanted to go rabbit hunting with him tomorrow. But I really don't want to dew to that I am feeling kinda depressed and I know If I went I wouldn't be able to focuses anyway for I would be thinking about to many things. Next week I am going over to the SSN building here in the valley to see if I can get a copy of the file for disability I hope that they give it to me. I am going to apile the results that they gave me and still see If I can get on the disability.
I have been playing Assassins Creed again I am wanting to play the story again before I play the next one, but It has come out yesterday so so much for the Midnight release. Its ok though. I will just have to get one latter when I don't have so much going on and I am able to save some money for it. I have received some news today that my application for Medicaid has just started. its processes into the system. I have been so tired the past couple of day. Scratch that I have been so tired the past couple of years. And I don't know why that is. it might bee my bed but I don't really know because I used to sleep good on it. but know I can't I thought it was to soft. But now I think it is just to hard. It is so hard to find something that allows me to sleep so nice, with out waking up every couple of hours to roll over. I think that I has something to do with my shoulders to because when I do wake up its always my shoulders that are hurting, normally anyway. Every so often though my back will be hurting. And I think it really has something to do with the accident that I was in a few years ago. In witch I dislocated both my shoulders, and some of my ribs. And they never set healed properly so now I have circulation cut off to my arms every now and then. And it pinches all the nerves as well.
Friday
I think that I am starting to get getter control of my heart rate because when I went to do plasma today it was down to 78. I think that it is good, biking almost everyday is probably helping a little bit though. After I was done with the donation I went to Walmart. I needed to get a shirt for my project. I am making another pitcher for this shirt, and it is going to be great. But something happened when I went to print the pitcher out though I accidentally had the pitcher stretched just a little to much. I new I was forgeting something, I forgot to do a test run. Its to late now, and I am all out of Transfer paper now. :( and I wont be able to go get any till late next week most likely.
On my way home from Walmart I went up to Valley Fair mall to try and find the SSN building but I couldn't find it so I guess Ill have to go next week. It was kinda strange today because I was gone from 9 this morning till 3pm I haven't been gone that long sense I had work. I really need to update my Journal. No not this one my audio log. its my more personal journal and I haven't used it in about a month I should update it before I forget about it again. I have lost some more weight witch is good spending all that time on the bike is starting to help. And I have been trying to cut back on how much I eat even though I only eat about 2 times a day. I am trying to cut back on the amount that I eat during those times to see if it will help me loose more.
Saturday
Ok I am starting to get irritated and its only morning right now. Because I have been trying to find this one website that has all the episodes to all my favorite anime shows, and I cant find it. I don't remember the name to it, and the person that gave me the site in the first place. Well I cant remember there name either.
I haven't done much today besides clean the kitchen, take the garbage out, witch most people wouldn't be that big of a deal but sense I have to take it about a quoter a mile up the road every week, it kinda is a deal with me. I also did some laundry today. But besides that I haven't done much I just been playing some Assassins Creed, no not the new one I haven't got that yet. This is how lazy I have been today. I didn't even take a shower till 4pm. Tomorrow should be different though with church going on. Next week I hope I will be able to get the documents I need from SSN. If not it will be fun trying to get them from the offices that I had the testing done in. I weighed my self this morning and I am getting better. I lost 24 pounds this month . I went over to Steven's house at about 9 to watch movie. I stayed latter then I was planing on, for Krysta asked me if I wanted to stay and watch Stargate SG1 with here. And I looked at an opportunity to spend time with her. So we watched. 2 episodes. I don't regret staying. But I think that her father may be a little upset with me. For it was 2:30 when I finally left.
P.S. Not to all those that actually read my blogs/Journal I have decided that it is easier to do one posting for the whole week, then trying to remember to write one very day. So for now one I will only be doing one once a week.
Nov 16, 2011
A Post At Last
I know its been almost a week sense I have posted on here I just what for something interesting enough to post. Today after a few hours I finally was able to get a hold of SSN, but I finally got throw. They didn't help me very much though so next week I have to go over to the office here and try and talk to them there. Tonight I went over to a friends house and watched The Mission it was an ok show. I was surprised on some of the actors that were in it. I would tell you how was in it. But right now I am just feeling lazy and don't want to look it up. So you can if your feeling up to it. Tomorrow though I have to call the IRS and see if they will allow me to set up a payment plane yet. I hope they will because I don't want to deal with them anymore. For some reason my mouth has been sore all day. I think I cut it but I don't really know why. Also my mother is going to be gone mostly for the next week. and I don't like it. Here is why, because sense I am trying to quit my addition it makes it really hard when nobody is around to talk to when I start feeling erges.
Nov 12, 2011
Bad dreams
This song that is posted above is I would say is in my top three for most favorite songs. Even though this song is really depressing, I find it well I cant describe how it makes me feel. All I can say is I just get really relaxed and it makes me feel like I wanna cry, but in a good way. I can just listen to this song over and over again. But I don't know if I should just stop listing to this song because how much it reminds me of what I use to have and lost. But it is also good for it reminds me of what I want. Its sorta motivating. See what I mean in the time that it has taken me to write this so fare I have already listened to it 3 times
Today I haven't done much I went and got a hair cut, I think that I cut it just a little bit to short. I also went over and picked up all the cans from my grandfathers, I am collecting them so I can turn them in when I have a lot to get more out of them. The only other thing that I have done today is I am about half way done with the campaign on C&C II. But now that it is getting latter I am thinking about going to bed in like an hour. Speaking of going to bed I had a nightmare last night It was really bad because when I woke up I really didn't want to go back to sleep.. Witch is strange for me because I haven't had a bad dream that scared me sense I was little. This one was bad because I was being eaten alive, and it kinda scared me. So I layed in bed for and hour trying to think of happy thoughts and hoping when I fell back asleep that I wouldn't dream of it again.
Nov 11, 2011
Found the problem
The past few days have been kinda stressful, but productive
Tuesday I had my appointment with my counselor on seeing if I can start school or find work. I still haven't decided on what I want to do. I mean I want to start school but I really need to find work for I am starting to get so irritated having no money to do stuff. especial sense I really need it more then ever right now. Later that night I went to a movie with Krysta, and Kimberlee. We were going to go on Wednesday but we had to change the plans for that. We went to see The Three Musketeers, the new one. By my opinion it was good, but it wasn't as good as the Disney version.
Wednesday I talked with the IRS but I couldn't set up a payment plan yet. I wont be able to do that till next week. That was pretty much all I did that day.
Thursday I didn't do much. I was just listing to music most of the day and Let me share with you one that I was listing to that I really like. Its Someday from Nickelback
Friday I went and did plasma this morning. On my way home I stopped at FYE and got some movies, and another CD from Josh Groban. I think all I am missing now is one of his CD's I was also listaning to another song today that I really like its called Start Waring Purple from GoGal Bodellos. I don't know why I like this song so much but it might be because I just love the color purple.
After that I went over to Josephs house to watch a movie. The movie was 7years in tabet, it was ok I guess I didn't stay for the whole thing though, because I was falling asleep. It might have something to do with that I haven't been sleeping very well this week. And I just figured out why. Apparently my arms tend to cut of all the circulation every now and then that is why my hands are cold most of the time. but I cant sleep because a few years ago I was in a car crash and my shoulders got dislocated. But they didn't heal properly so it hurts to sleep on them for a long time.
Tuesday I had my appointment with my counselor on seeing if I can start school or find work. I still haven't decided on what I want to do. I mean I want to start school but I really need to find work for I am starting to get so irritated having no money to do stuff. especial sense I really need it more then ever right now. Later that night I went to a movie with Krysta, and Kimberlee. We were going to go on Wednesday but we had to change the plans for that. We went to see The Three Musketeers, the new one. By my opinion it was good, but it wasn't as good as the Disney version.
Wednesday I talked with the IRS but I couldn't set up a payment plan yet. I wont be able to do that till next week. That was pretty much all I did that day.
Thursday I didn't do much. I was just listing to music most of the day and Let me share with you one that I was listing to that I really like. Its Someday from Nickelback
Friday I went and did plasma this morning. On my way home I stopped at FYE and got some movies, and another CD from Josh Groban. I think all I am missing now is one of his CD's I was also listaning to another song today that I really like its called Start Waring Purple from GoGal Bodellos. I don't know why I like this song so much but it might be because I just love the color purple.
After that I went over to Josephs house to watch a movie. The movie was 7years in tabet, it was ok I guess I didn't stay for the whole thing though, because I was falling asleep. It might have something to do with that I haven't been sleeping very well this week. And I just figured out why. Apparently my arms tend to cut of all the circulation every now and then that is why my hands are cold most of the time. but I cant sleep because a few years ago I was in a car crash and my shoulders got dislocated. But they didn't heal properly so it hurts to sleep on them for a long time.
Nov 7, 2011
Monday
Today was a normal day by starting off with breakfast. What did I eat breakfast. lol I cant remember if I did. All well, today started off as normal, me not remembering anything and trying to focus as I try and wake up. It has been kinda bad I have been going to bed to early by my standards I normally go to bed around midnight. But lately I have been going to bed at 10:30 or 11:00 witch has kinds screwed up my sleeping pattern.
My stress level has been fluctuating the past couple of days though. I don't know why though because I don't have anything to be stressed about. Well I guess I do, finding work is the only thing that I can think about right know that would cause me stress.
I have been working out on the exercise bike today for a while to try and boost my heart strength, and also because I need to lose some wight as well. I think that I need to tighten the tension on the bike though because I was on there for 15 min and my heat rate never went about 145 witch is ok but I need it to get a little higher I think if I want to build it up a bit more.
I went to F.H.E. tonight it was alright we played some games. But honestly I just wasn't in the mood to do anything. In fact I really haven't been in the mood to do anything most of the day. Sometimes I really hate myself for not doing what I should have done, and yet not doing it. even though I had ample opportunity to do it in. Its not like it was something big, or something that in dire need of doing, it was something small. It was one of those things that you take for granted, and don't do enough of. I didn't do it, and I know I should have I am just gutless I think because the only reason why I didn't was because somebody else was there. I know I that shouldn't bother me. I feel really tarable now, it not like its was that important well, to me it is very important and the only reason why I didn't do it was because somebody was watching. Come on man its not like it is going to hurt or anything. As a matter of fact it hurts right now.
Anyways after FHE I went over to a friends house with a couple of friends and we watched Magamind I have never seen that movie before and I thought it was really good.
My stress level has been fluctuating the past couple of days though. I don't know why though because I don't have anything to be stressed about. Well I guess I do, finding work is the only thing that I can think about right know that would cause me stress.
I have been working out on the exercise bike today for a while to try and boost my heart strength, and also because I need to lose some wight as well. I think that I need to tighten the tension on the bike though because I was on there for 15 min and my heat rate never went about 145 witch is ok but I need it to get a little higher I think if I want to build it up a bit more.
I went to F.H.E. tonight it was alright we played some games. But honestly I just wasn't in the mood to do anything. In fact I really haven't been in the mood to do anything most of the day. Sometimes I really hate myself for not doing what I should have done, and yet not doing it. even though I had ample opportunity to do it in. Its not like it was something big, or something that in dire need of doing, it was something small. It was one of those things that you take for granted, and don't do enough of. I didn't do it, and I know I should have I am just gutless I think because the only reason why I didn't was because somebody else was there. I know I that shouldn't bother me. I feel really tarable now, it not like its was that important well, to me it is very important and the only reason why I didn't do it was because somebody was watching. Come on man its not like it is going to hurt or anything. As a matter of fact it hurts right now.
Anyways after FHE I went over to a friends house with a couple of friends and we watched Magamind I have never seen that movie before and I thought it was really good.
Nov 5, 2011
Minner Problems
The past few days have been okay I guess I had some frustration on Friday. Because the bill for the internet was late this month so we payed it later then normal. So they thought that we didn't pay it, so they turned off are internet. Witch is annoying, because now I have to call them to have them turn it back on. So I have been with out internet for about half the day. Isn't amazing how dull the computer seems to be once the internet is taken away. It kinda makes you wounder what people did with them before it was invented. I guess they just used them for documenting, witch is what I use mine for for the most part. I do play games on it. but not as much as I used to. I guess I use it a lot to listen to music, sense I haven't even owned a radio in like 4 years or something like that. I was going to look for jobs to but by the time we got the internet turned back on I had other stuff I was doing and I forgot about it.
Today I went to go and see if I could donate some plasma, but I couldn't my heart rate was to high again. I don't know why I have problems with my heart rate every time I go in there. Its not like I have anything wrong. according to the doctor my cardio vascular system is very healthy. I think it is just because I always get nervuse when I go into there but I don't know why I do. Its not like Im afraid of needles or anything. But to help it I went a got a exercise bike from my grandfather. He hasn't been using it very much so I asked him if I could use it. And sense it is getting colder out side I need to find something to do inside that is easier on my knees. For we all know I have bad knees, but some people don't realize just how bad they really are. So let me tell you it hurts to walk up a lot of stairs, and walk long distances. Pretty much anything with a lot of bending of the knees is bad for me.
I went and cleaned the church at 2 it only took an hour because a lot of people showed up. When I got home I started listing to some music. I found out only music can make you feel so depressed, yet so wonderful at the same time. I have been playing games the rest of the day to detract me of all the erges that I am having. Today has felt like it has been lasting for ever though I just want it to end. But I guess we cant have everything we want no matter how hard we try to get it. I don't know why I keep referring back to relationships when it comes to story time but I have a quote I want to share with you.
Today I went to go and see if I could donate some plasma, but I couldn't my heart rate was to high again. I don't know why I have problems with my heart rate every time I go in there. Its not like I have anything wrong. according to the doctor my cardio vascular system is very healthy. I think it is just because I always get nervuse when I go into there but I don't know why I do. Its not like Im afraid of needles or anything. But to help it I went a got a exercise bike from my grandfather. He hasn't been using it very much so I asked him if I could use it. And sense it is getting colder out side I need to find something to do inside that is easier on my knees. For we all know I have bad knees, but some people don't realize just how bad they really are. So let me tell you it hurts to walk up a lot of stairs, and walk long distances. Pretty much anything with a lot of bending of the knees is bad for me.
I went and cleaned the church at 2 it only took an hour because a lot of people showed up. When I got home I started listing to some music. I found out only music can make you feel so depressed, yet so wonderful at the same time. I have been playing games the rest of the day to detract me of all the erges that I am having. Today has felt like it has been lasting for ever though I just want it to end. But I guess we cant have everything we want no matter how hard we try to get it. I don't know why I keep referring back to relationships when it comes to story time but I have a quote I want to share with you.
“ A great Love is a lot like a good
memory, when its there and you know its there, but its just out of your reach,
it can be all you think about and you can focus on it and try to force it, but
the more you do the more you seem to push it away, but if your patient and you
hold still, well maybe just maybe, it will come to you,”
I Like this quote because it contently reminds me that the things that are most dear to us, the things that mean the most to us are the things that we cannot force into being. For if we do well will end up just pushing it away. Or make it uncomfortable to have in are presence.
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