7/8/2011
Today started off by getting up at 10:00 i took a shower, and went to the bank, afterward i went over to the gas station to fill up for the drive ahead later that day. at about noon i got on the computer to see if anybody said or sent me something on Facebook. you know how i like it when people talk to me. due to that i am a very social, or should i say sensitive person.
After i had found nothing :( i decided that i would go and eat something, so i went and looked and looked in the kitchen for some food. After a few minuets i found a mini pizza. and during the process of eating that i was watching videos of the NSL witch was interesting.
At 3:09 i left to go pick Krysta up for are hike that we had Planed. on the way up to Big cotton wood we had a good chat about stuff. that i don't remember dam. But if you asked me a question i believe that i could probably answer it. and for some reason even though i know were i was going i managed to get turned around, so we had to back track a little bit witch was okay by my book.
The hike it self was very good we had fun, well i believe we had fun, i hope she did. it kinda sucks that we couldn't go all the way to the falls because the water run of was so much that the pathway was out.
Out on the way to the to get some food. we had another really good chat that i felt kinda bad about some of the information that i said i probably i shouldn't have said, i feel like it was to much. i always feel really bad when discussing my past that's why i don't like doing it even though it is necessary. but anyway cant take back the past so there is nothing you should worry about because the past is the past and shouldn't be bothered by you or anyone else in the future for it cannot be changed.
Well we eat and had for good conversation. i drove her home and said goodnight. but on the way home i couldn't help shake the feeling like i said or did something wrong. and as i am siting here typing this out i am getting that same feeling. but what can you do. i know why i am getting that feeling but there is nothing i can do about it right now without screwing everything up. and putting myself back in depredation. so all i can do is sit here and hope, and pray that everything is going to work out.
When i got home i downloaded all the photos that i took, and uploaded them to the computer. I thanked Krysta for the fun evening, that is about the only thing i can do. without crying. for i cam an emotional person. and what women would want to be with somebody that is more emotional then they are. i think that i am going to go for a walk and watch a movie, why do i always wanna cry when talking about relationships. Hope that i don't show any emotion on Sunday, for it is not very good for a guy to so emotion. But i can't help it ill pray and pray that everything will be ok for i am not. i wish i had somebody to talk to about this stuff.
Jul 8, 2011
Jul 6, 2011
I Think i wanna cry
7/6/2011 9:45pm
Well today. i have been ok, i started off by going over to my grandpas house to mow his lawn, after that i came back home and played around on the computer for a will, i got a letter in the mail today from Work force Services, asking me if i would like to apply for social Security witch i can, because what most people don't realize is that i am not just physically handy-caped, but i am mainly as well and if your wondering what i may have its called Hemiplegia due to Subarchnoid bleeding in my right Equinus witch means that all of my motor skills are under developed.
So it made me think about all the stuff that i wish i could do that i cant, and don't tell me that i can if i try hard enough, i know i can't because i have almost killed myself trying to do some of it. well after i cried for a little will i decided to work out to take my mind of of things for a bite. it worked but like all things with me it never lasts. anyway maybe about an hour ago i was reading some of Krysta's blogs, because i told her i would, bad idea. but i have to thank god that there is somebody else out there, that knows exactly what i am going throw. i just wish that she will understand. i was reading some of the conversations that she was having with John, i am sorry Krysta for that. it took me for ever to read it because i keep almost crying. not just for her but for myself as well, during the reading of this i kept thinking about M.J. witch i really wish that i hadn't i have been trying for the past 3 years to forget about her. and now all the memories came rushing back. I think i am going to go cry for a will now i hope it will make me feel better.
Well today. i have been ok, i started off by going over to my grandpas house to mow his lawn, after that i came back home and played around on the computer for a will, i got a letter in the mail today from Work force Services, asking me if i would like to apply for social Security witch i can, because what most people don't realize is that i am not just physically handy-caped, but i am mainly as well and if your wondering what i may have its called Hemiplegia due to Subarchnoid bleeding in my right Equinus witch means that all of my motor skills are under developed.
So it made me think about all the stuff that i wish i could do that i cant, and don't tell me that i can if i try hard enough, i know i can't because i have almost killed myself trying to do some of it. well after i cried for a little will i decided to work out to take my mind of of things for a bite. it worked but like all things with me it never lasts. anyway maybe about an hour ago i was reading some of Krysta's blogs, because i told her i would, bad idea. but i have to thank god that there is somebody else out there, that knows exactly what i am going throw. i just wish that she will understand. i was reading some of the conversations that she was having with John, i am sorry Krysta for that. it took me for ever to read it because i keep almost crying. not just for her but for myself as well, during the reading of this i kept thinking about M.J. witch i really wish that i hadn't i have been trying for the past 3 years to forget about her. and now all the memories came rushing back. I think i am going to go cry for a will now i hope it will make me feel better.
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